A Lady who knows what she wants - Honestly speaking by Elizabeth Aluko

Hello to all my single ladies in the house, today am speaking on how Ladies can take charge of their relationship and get your partner to commit officially earlier than his initial plan. Lol, it's a bit tricky but it worked for me. 

If you are in a serious relationship or he as even engaged you, but 2-3years going he is still telling you don't worry. Well you should be worried because guys are like toddlers, they can easily change their mind and direction. Ladies, if you expect your boyfriend to use his own free will to come ask your hand in marriage then you are in for a very long ride...men are never ready and they dread making the commitment official. That is not to say they don't really love you or want to you as their life partner.

When I started dating my husband then in 2010, it was like a Nollywood movie because I plotted every move and milestone in our relationship. When we initially started dating,  he wanted to friend-zone me. Can you imagine?
After going to his house to cook and clean, talk on the phone till late night and do the adult thingz, only for him to refer to me as a friend when he had to introduce me to his friend. Huh? Who is your friend? Friends from where to where?

Never allow things like that to slip by, address it immediately and be sure you guys are on the same page. The drama after that "my friend" status was epic. I waited until we were alone late in the night, I then asked him a direct question in three dimensions so he won't claim he didn't understand what I meant. I asked him "what are we to each other? what is the definition of this thing between us? He quickly asked, "how do you mean?" I went further with a long serious face so he knows am not playing, What am I to you? When he saw my face and the tone of my voice he knew I meant serious business. 

First, he said we are friends, am like friends? What kind of friends are we? With a little bit of sarcasm. He was smiling knowing fully where I was going and what I wanted to hear. My husband is the type of man that can confuse you with English and assumptions. Not knowing he met his match, a whole Benin babe wa school for Uniben? I no fit fall for that kind " I thought we were..." English for my old age? Nay! 

So I ensured I got a satisfactory definition that night, I even joke about him putting it in writing so I can use it as an evidence in case things goes south. Lol. It's so pathetic to hear stories of a girl dating a guy 1-2years and both of you don't have a mutual plan or understanding of how and when to take a step further in your relationship. You are waiting for him to use his mind? Especially when you don dey clock the big 30? Some babes thinks the guy will see them as desperate if they start asking questions or pressuring them to do the needful. What do I care? If anybody like call me desperado, hustler, pretender, na you sabi. It's been 4years with two kids and he is still my Bestie. So Babes while you are praying for him to use his mind, kindly use your head.

Word of advice from a lady who dated her husband for just 7months and married for over 4years. yes! I didn't leave anything to fate! I fought for it while praying. So I say ask questions when you are not clear on a subject matter, if he say Bea I want us to get married, ask him WHEN? If he says next year ask him why next year? Ask him what are his plans in terms of finance, relocation, accommodation, the wedding plans, family....everything and see if it's realistic considering his current status cos to marry no easy truly. 

If you don't ask questions how will you know the areas where he is having challenges? How will you know if you have conflicting decisions? How will you determine his extent of emotional, financial and psychological preparedness for the huge milestone. Relationship to me is like a project where you first seat down and map out your plans before executing the project according to the action plan with time frame. Hmm it's that serious. Lol. 

So to all my single ladies, while you are planning on how to turn up with him tonight been a Friday, I want you to turn things over by having that straight face, no smile talk with him on how to move forward and change your current status. Am not saying things will change overnight oh, but at least give him something to think about. Not every time he will be taking you to chinese restaurant or to a club, and you are there feeling loved. For a change let him take you to his family members, and introduced you as the girl he wants to marry. 

Until next week Friday ladies and gentlemen, you have a beautiful fun filled weekend. #NoFightingWithBea. #BewiseAsSapentYetGentleAsADove.